New York City's Times Square is one of the most recognizable landmarks in the world, partially because it is eternally festooned with giant undulating logos from the most recognizable junk food brands on the planet. If you came to New York City looking for fun, Times Square is the wrong place. In the '70s, Times Square was a haven for people looking to spend hundreds of dollars on hookers and shady drug deals. Now it's a meat grinder for tourists looking to spend hundreds of dollars on bags of M&Ms that only have one color of M&Ms inside, and paper weights that have pictures of the World Trade Center on them. In other words, it's gotten MUCH worse.
As you ply the flabby, cow-eyed crowds for escape routes to less morbid parts of the city, you will be accosted by various loud and slovenly men - some homeless, some promoting comedy shows, some selling guided tours. They may ask you where you're from, what brings you to the city, or even suggest that you resemble a glamorous celebrity, but don't be fooled- each and every one of them just wanna get inside your cute little wallet. Hold your money close and cherish your time with it, because if you aren't careful, that wallet will end up spread-eagle in the doorway of a double-decker bus before you realize you don't look anything like Robert Downey Junior.
If you take my advice to stay away from Times Square, but get lost and end up there anyway, I recommend keeping your feckless brain alive with lunch from Sbarro, an authentic Italian American Airplane Food Court Dining Experience. As foreign men shout at you to order from behind warm, Dali-esque stacks of languid pasta and saggy cheese, you will pay an alarmingly high price to coat your roiling intestines with the fluorescent orange oil of commerce. Now that I think about it, eating at Sbarro is alot like visiting Times Square.
Bon ah-pa-teet!
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