In Europe, since everything is so tiny (three-wheeled cars!) it's common for people to make day-trips to other countries and pretend not to be tourists while enjoying the sights and destinations that they don't have right in their own backyards - which are also tiny. Here in the United States, we don't know much about "other countries," but we certainly will take a two-hour bus ride for the opportunity to piss on the streets of a city we don't live in.
For a mere 12 dollars (that's 2 euros for my readers across the pond) I recently chartered a bus trip "out west" with some like-minded colleagues to spend a day in the great city of Philadelphia, or as they call it; the "City of Hovering Doves," though I'm not quite sure why. I didn't see a single dove for the entire duration of my visit.
Anybody who's lived in New York City for too long (three months or so) will immediately notice that all the buildings in Philly are huge. Even the stones they used to put the buildings together are huge, almost like the city was built by giants or aliens. Of course, everyone knows that Philadelphia was built by boring old regular construction workers, and sadly, is one of the few American cities that was not built on Rock N' Roll.
What's in Philly then? In a word - Beer. "What about cheese steaks?" you may simper plaintively to yourself as you read along. What about them? I propose that any food product to which cheese flavored syrup is applied via a plastic nozzle is not worth a trip down the block, let alone a trip across state lines. However, if you like beer (who doesnt!?) then Philadelphia is the place for you. Did you know that there are types of beer that are aged in barrels, like wine? As douchey as it sounds, it's true, and I didn't even know about it until I visited Philly. Sure, cask-aged lambics may taste like somebody wrapped a lemon in a banana peel and tossed it into a vat of Harp for a year or two, but it's expensive, so it must be delicious.
If you're looking for a beer experience, Monk's Cafe is your best bet. You can find just about any sort of beer you'd ever want to drink here. I found a 20 dollar bottle of Dogfish Head's Noble Rot, which is brewed with grapes that have been infected by a (presumably scrumptious) sort of fungus.
After a discovery such as this, I'm willing to say that fungus is perhaps one of the most prolific servants of mankind, as it provides us with food, antibiotics, wild hallucinations, and nerdy alcohol. What more could you need?
Though a single day may not seem like much time to explore the city, I had achieved my Pennsylvania-based goals in a matter of hours. I was eager to bid the fine city of Philadelphia a hearty "Yo Adrian!" and take my leave, but should the temptation of a fruity and complicated lager e'er again beckon my soul, I shall return with a wide grin.
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